Pardon the eccentricities of borderline lucidity. Mayhaps the other way round. Negative symptoms are supposed to contain unintelligible rants, yet the speaker understands all. I'm not sure being on the giving side of this. I've postponed updating many a time due to flux caused by ineffective medication and poor cranial chemical imbalances. It's rather difficult to translate. I pause, and I digress.
The label applied changes considerably with time. For now, it is called Schizo affective Disorder. A type of schizophrenia but apparently with a slightly better prognosis. I've avoided this being out for all to see, but it's not like it's going to go away and maybe teach you about the illness and the kinds of things I see.
Will possibly amend later for further legibility or commentary. I shall leave that for another day. Lucidity in the late evening will dictate whether or not that will happen, but it's time to get it out there.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Doctor Rant v3.0 Final
I have noticed recently that the struggles in my life, though annoying, are becoming interesting passing memories. They don't build up as heavily as they have in the past. I attribute this mostly to my daily medication cocktail, but if I can't be sane without it, I'm glad I've found a somewhat good combination. I had a rather bad experience at my appointment a week ago, and have since had one thing after another happen. It seems the only thing that actually bothered me was the doctor's visit though. It made me realize just how bad it was comparing it to my other mishaps.
Do tell...
I went in last week for a bad earache. I had a low grade fever and had a very high fever the week before. The first doctor ignored it, though I probably should have been put on antibiotics. Over the next week, the ringing in my ears increased, I had more migraines, and I was bumping into things and getting bruises in places I don't remember hitting. I figure, I must have an ear infection, like my boyfriend was treated for a few days before. I reluctantly made an appointment and gave the reason 'inner ear pain' for the visit.
Before the doctor is notified that I'm here, the PA or nurse or whatever gives me a hearing test that I mostly pass. My heart rate was 122 at rest and my blood pressure was really low. The doctor comes in and talks with me about my symptoms. After 5 minutes of talking, she says there may be something wrong with my ears. My heart sunk and any shred of confidence I had in this clinic darted out the window. All that was running through my head while she was searching for 'the ear checking thingy' was "no shit Sherlock" and "thank you Captain Obvious," then "did she just call the otoscope a thingy???" She came back and laughed at the fact that it was hanging on the wall behind me. I almost cried.
She tried to look in my right ear and couldn't see anything. I asked "so there's no ear infection?" She said "no, I mean I can't see... I forgot to turn on the light..." I teared up a little. I wanted out of there so badly I almost didn't care about the pain. She turned the light on and looked in again. It was very painful and immediately evident that the eardrum had ruptured and was bleeding. She looked in the other ear and said it looked fine. I asked if the infection appeared to be bacterial or not. Why I expected anything other than the response I received, I don't know. She said she didn't think there was an infection as there weren't any signs of one.
............ I held back as much as I could, but I couldn't conceive how this ditz passed high school let alone med school.
I asked if my fever was a sign, the fast heart rate, the low blood pressure, the loss of equilibrium, or I don't know... the pain? She said she had to go speak to her boss about it and left the room. She came back 10 minutes later with a prescription paper in her hands and the check-out sheet with her. She said it sounded like it was vertigo. The bleeding ear is due to a puncture wound, the fever is due to a cold, the heart rate was due to one of my medications, and I was bumping into things because of the dizziness from vertigo. I held my breath a little and squeaked out the question, "and the low blood pressure?" I got "when was the last time you ate?" as an answer. I didn't even say I ate before I came and that the medication she was talking about has never in the 5 years I've been taking it done that. I just couldn't hold back anymore, I snapped.
For some reason, I cry when I'm really frustrated or pissed off, but not for many other reasons. If I'm really sad I just watch TV with a blank stare or sleep. In this case, I was just completely overwhelmed. She remarked on how it must suck to be told you have vertigo, but it's not that bad. What I said after that, I shan't repeat. It was very verbose and was spiced by some very colorful four-letter words. It felt like a direct insult to my intelligence to tell me that I was dumb enough to rupture my eardrum by sticking something in my ear. Not only that, but continuing past that point to hit something in my middle ear bad enough for it to bleed for over a week. I pride myself on my ability to convey a certain message eloquently and usually with an expanded vocabulary and very precise enunciation. I must not be as good as I thought, as I can figure no other way to assume that diagnosis was even remotely accurate.
Long story short, I didn't fill my vertigo pills, I cancelled my follow-up appointment and I'm going to find another PCP and/or clinic to go to. Until then, I will treat myself. I suppose I'm lucky to have a good psychiatrist. If I thought I would find later use for one, I would invest in my own otoscope. That way I know when I can use drops in my ears to help keep them clear.
I realise this is getting long, but I don't opt to rant online much. Perhaps this will be cathartic, and hopefully the final one. I mentioned earlier how this compares to the other things that have happened this week. I will mention them briefly so as to compare what I feel this experience is worse than. I don't mean to come off as wanting sympathy or a need to have the worst life or anything like that, as many of these things I actually enjoyed having done after the fact. Hurray for hindsight. Yes, that was sarcasm, and let the list begin.
I had to do data recovery on my computer. One of the programs I used to help me with it had a trojan on it. I had to close all ports on the network and find the protocol it was using to send data. I found it and erased it, but it corrupted a large part of the kernel and several of my programs. I had to do recovery on my system for three days to restore everything and then arranged the accounts on my computer so it would be near impossible to duplicate. I did yet more data recovery without the use of easier programs. I cut my tongue on something and it swelled nearly twice its normal size. I still have no clue what cut it. I had cereal and got really sick afterward. I don't think the milk was bad, but I would hate it if my dairy allergy has gotten that bad. I love cheese. I tried to refill my medications, like I do every month at this time, and all but one of them came up in the computer as needing prior authorization, even though I had refills on them. Apparently the pharmacy's computer glitched and erased the last month and a half of my medical history and when it was submitted to my insurance, it was flagged. I've been fighting every day since and am out of a few of my medications. Finally, I nearly broke my middle left toe on my desk while trying to scoot out of it. My foot slipped on the carpet and right into the corner of my desk. Luckily, it buckled when it hit and I only ended up losing about a third of my toenail. I'm sure I won't be limping for too much longer.
On the bright side of things, my toe isn't broken, I was able to save my computer and all data on it, I learned how to manipulate the system in many ways I didn't know before, and my hearing is slowly coming back. Oh, and I don't have vertigo! Yay!
Hurray for positive thinking! Yes, I am rather fond of sarcasm...
Do tell...
I went in last week for a bad earache. I had a low grade fever and had a very high fever the week before. The first doctor ignored it, though I probably should have been put on antibiotics. Over the next week, the ringing in my ears increased, I had more migraines, and I was bumping into things and getting bruises in places I don't remember hitting. I figure, I must have an ear infection, like my boyfriend was treated for a few days before. I reluctantly made an appointment and gave the reason 'inner ear pain' for the visit.
Before the doctor is notified that I'm here, the PA or nurse or whatever gives me a hearing test that I mostly pass. My heart rate was 122 at rest and my blood pressure was really low. The doctor comes in and talks with me about my symptoms. After 5 minutes of talking, she says there may be something wrong with my ears. My heart sunk and any shred of confidence I had in this clinic darted out the window. All that was running through my head while she was searching for 'the ear checking thingy' was "no shit Sherlock" and "thank you Captain Obvious," then "did she just call the otoscope a thingy???" She came back and laughed at the fact that it was hanging on the wall behind me. I almost cried.
She tried to look in my right ear and couldn't see anything. I asked "so there's no ear infection?" She said "no, I mean I can't see... I forgot to turn on the light..." I teared up a little. I wanted out of there so badly I almost didn't care about the pain. She turned the light on and looked in again. It was very painful and immediately evident that the eardrum had ruptured and was bleeding. She looked in the other ear and said it looked fine. I asked if the infection appeared to be bacterial or not. Why I expected anything other than the response I received, I don't know. She said she didn't think there was an infection as there weren't any signs of one.
............ I held back as much as I could, but I couldn't conceive how this ditz passed high school let alone med school.
I asked if my fever was a sign, the fast heart rate, the low blood pressure, the loss of equilibrium, or I don't know... the pain? She said she had to go speak to her boss about it and left the room. She came back 10 minutes later with a prescription paper in her hands and the check-out sheet with her. She said it sounded like it was vertigo. The bleeding ear is due to a puncture wound, the fever is due to a cold, the heart rate was due to one of my medications, and I was bumping into things because of the dizziness from vertigo. I held my breath a little and squeaked out the question, "and the low blood pressure?" I got "when was the last time you ate?" as an answer. I didn't even say I ate before I came and that the medication she was talking about has never in the 5 years I've been taking it done that. I just couldn't hold back anymore, I snapped.
For some reason, I cry when I'm really frustrated or pissed off, but not for many other reasons. If I'm really sad I just watch TV with a blank stare or sleep. In this case, I was just completely overwhelmed. She remarked on how it must suck to be told you have vertigo, but it's not that bad. What I said after that, I shan't repeat. It was very verbose and was spiced by some very colorful four-letter words. It felt like a direct insult to my intelligence to tell me that I was dumb enough to rupture my eardrum by sticking something in my ear. Not only that, but continuing past that point to hit something in my middle ear bad enough for it to bleed for over a week. I pride myself on my ability to convey a certain message eloquently and usually with an expanded vocabulary and very precise enunciation. I must not be as good as I thought, as I can figure no other way to assume that diagnosis was even remotely accurate.
Long story short, I didn't fill my vertigo pills, I cancelled my follow-up appointment and I'm going to find another PCP and/or clinic to go to. Until then, I will treat myself. I suppose I'm lucky to have a good psychiatrist. If I thought I would find later use for one, I would invest in my own otoscope. That way I know when I can use drops in my ears to help keep them clear.
I realise this is getting long, but I don't opt to rant online much. Perhaps this will be cathartic, and hopefully the final one. I mentioned earlier how this compares to the other things that have happened this week. I will mention them briefly so as to compare what I feel this experience is worse than. I don't mean to come off as wanting sympathy or a need to have the worst life or anything like that, as many of these things I actually enjoyed having done after the fact. Hurray for hindsight. Yes, that was sarcasm, and let the list begin.
I had to do data recovery on my computer. One of the programs I used to help me with it had a trojan on it. I had to close all ports on the network and find the protocol it was using to send data. I found it and erased it, but it corrupted a large part of the kernel and several of my programs. I had to do recovery on my system for three days to restore everything and then arranged the accounts on my computer so it would be near impossible to duplicate. I did yet more data recovery without the use of easier programs. I cut my tongue on something and it swelled nearly twice its normal size. I still have no clue what cut it. I had cereal and got really sick afterward. I don't think the milk was bad, but I would hate it if my dairy allergy has gotten that bad. I love cheese. I tried to refill my medications, like I do every month at this time, and all but one of them came up in the computer as needing prior authorization, even though I had refills on them. Apparently the pharmacy's computer glitched and erased the last month and a half of my medical history and when it was submitted to my insurance, it was flagged. I've been fighting every day since and am out of a few of my medications. Finally, I nearly broke my middle left toe on my desk while trying to scoot out of it. My foot slipped on the carpet and right into the corner of my desk. Luckily, it buckled when it hit and I only ended up losing about a third of my toenail. I'm sure I won't be limping for too much longer.
On the bright side of things, my toe isn't broken, I was able to save my computer and all data on it, I learned how to manipulate the system in many ways I didn't know before, and my hearing is slowly coming back. Oh, and I don't have vertigo! Yay!
Hurray for positive thinking! Yes, I am rather fond of sarcasm...
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