Hesitation

I generally prefer to keep personal information and life stories out of my public writing. I prefer anonymity, but I've had a few question a certain aspect of myself that I'm a bit embarrassed I have. I've been this way since I was very young, but wasn't diagnosed until I was 22. I am schizophrenic. I've seen many TV shows that I regularly watch occasionally portray a schizophrenic, and each time I see it, everything seems standard. Yet, everyone around me says it's 'trippy'. I don't quite understand, but I digress.

Do tell...

For several years now, I have been jumping from one jagged little pill to another, seeking some magical chemical combination that will make me 'normal'. I fail to see how this is going to help. Tearing me out of my own world and thrusting me into the one I try to avoid is only going to make it worse. So I'm given more pills to calm me down, to quiet my mind, and to make me numb. This diagnosis automatically makes me a potential threat to myself or the people around me, but this is hardly true. I'm too preoccupied by the many facets of the world that I have little time to devote myself to 'reality'.

Perhaps when I'm not so tired, I can write a small Q&A about what I see, hear, and think. It's not that bad if you can handle the more frightening aspects of it. On the other hand, I've seen and heard things most people can't even imagine. I have currently lost the world again and my coherency is lacking, so I will attend to this at a later date, lest I start writing unintelligible gibberish.